Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we made out on top of his cat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
