We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
