i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
