So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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