Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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