u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
