I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
