I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
