thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
