I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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