You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
