Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
