I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
