That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
