He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
