I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
