i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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