i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
