I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
