yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
