if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
