haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
