honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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