"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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