I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
