Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
