Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
