dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
