Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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