Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
