so explain again why im purple
no
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
