i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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