Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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