turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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