"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
