yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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