nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
