Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
