U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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