So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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