What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
