Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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