I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
