the condom got lost in my hair
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i came on her dog
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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