I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
