Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
