her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You have to summon your inner elephant
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
