He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i used baking grease as lip gloss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
