Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
