Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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