You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
