I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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