i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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