If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
