I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone came in the potted fern
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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