I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
