one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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