new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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