I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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