i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
