Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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