There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
